"IF YOU WANT PEACE, YOU HAVE TO BE A SOURCE OF PEACE"

Beth Writes
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Recently I was asked to write an article on our children. It is my hope that after reading this, that readers will not only say they want to make a difference in a child’s life, but will make a difference in a child’s life.

Perhaps you know, or perhaps you are one of those people, who feel you would like to make a difference in the future of America, but simply "don’t have the time/energy/money to help".

If you’re able to make a donation of some sort (money, discarded items, baskets of food, health items, etc.), by all means, do so. But there are so many ways you can make a difference and you don’t have to open your checkbook to do it. You just have to open your heart.

Being well off financially is all fine and dandy, but being ‘rich’ encompasses so much more. The dictionaries define rich as being wealthy and full of possessions, but I would go further and define rich as rich in heart, rich in spirit, rich in life. Only by helping others and expanding your circle of friends and acquaintances can you fully grasp the true meaning of being fulfilled. The heart fulfills and keeps on giving.

What does it take to smile or lend a hand? What does it take to be nice to one of our fellow man? What does it take to show some human kindness? And why does it often take a tragedy to bring people closer together? We need each other more than we don’t need each other. If only we remembered that more often.

I did an experiment once. I woke up and decided I was going to set aside judgement and be pleasant to all those I encountered for the day. So many people are suspicious when another person is nice to them! And some people seem to just want to be in a bad mood and won’t let any sunshine in from any direction. And then there are people who seem so happy that you spoke to them that you can feel their good vibes in the air. But each person is entitled to their feelings. We have to get over our reaction to those feelings and accept that there is no magic formula when it comes to getting along with people. Indeed, some people seem to make that almost impossible.

It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to get angry. It’s normal to want to strike back when someone has done us or a loved one wrong. But if we let our pain consume and overwhelm us endlessly day after day, we become what we hate. Just as it is necessary to go through those painful times, so is it necessary to do what we can to heal ourselves and our families. It takes time, sometimes plenty of time, before we can do that. We will never forget the pain and indeed we may never be able to forgive the injustice. There is no right or wrong when it comes to what you feel in your heart. It’s only when you take what’s in your heart and turn around and use it against someone in a destructive way, that you enter into a different territory. Revenge may sound good, but rarely does it bring us the satisfaction we envision. The thing we can do is continue to fight for justice. Justice for all. When we fight for what is right, we bring honor to ourselves and honor to our loved ones. You have a right to feel what you feel, and you also have the ability to heal over time.

We will be sharing a tale of a little child who died a tragic death, a disturbing scenario as told by his distraught grieving grandfather. The facts of the case have and are still being debated. We are not judge and juror. Unfortunately, the tale of this boy’s fate is not an isolated case. Too many of our children have become victims of violence. Too many of our children will become victims of violence in the future.

It is only fair to say there are two sides to every story. It is also fair to say that not everyone is going to see eye to eye on what is discussed here. There will always be differences in opinion on every subject matter. The most important thing to keep in mind, however, is the common goal: To protect and cherish our children.

Whenever a child dies, something has gone terribly wrong, and all efforts should be made to find out exactly what took place that led to the untimely death. We cannot replace a child but we can do all that is possible to make sure another young life is not taken. By taking steps to ensure no other child falls victim to violence, the life taken away will never be in vain.

We hear and read about so many horrible tragedies that befall our children. The raping of babies. Children being beaten because they don’t meet their caretaker’s expectations. Children tortured and killed, sometimes because they are "too much trouble" in someone’s eyes. Newborns are being discarded in garbage cans and left to die.

These are realities in our world. They are not pleasant to think about. Yet the problem can’t be ignored any more. Children are being killed. And children are killing children. In a civilized society, we simply cannot accept that this is just the way things are. We can say "hey, what can you do?". We can state that "things are a lot different today". But those very statements signify hopelessness …. And, thus, we begin to just accept that these things happen and will continue to happen.

The weight of the world’s problems does not lie on any one particular’s shoulders. It lies on all of us. We need to work together … communities and families …. to bring about positive changes. Only by working together as a team and by listening and hearing every concerned voice can change come about. Granted, there are those who have the attitude that as long as their families are well, everyone else is on their own. Sadly, we fail to realize that what affects one, affects all. All our inactions and actions have an effect on our universe. We don’t have to look out for one another, but usually this backfires in one’s face. Treat others badly, you will eventually get burned. Turn away from others in need, and you may be turned away when you are in need someday. It is a vicious, but true, cycle.

Why do we think that tragedy will never happen to us or our loved ones? We are not immune from life in any respect. If it can happen to one, it can happen to another. Tragedy does not discriminate. Period.

"We’re in it for #1. We’re in it to win it".

It’s not that we’re necessarily being cold hearted or unfeeling. It’s just that we get so involved with our every day life and routines that it leaves little time for any outside ‘participation’. We have a lot going on in our lives, and many more parents these days are both working, and spending time with the kids is limited. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making your family your top priority – indeed, if they weren’t a top priority, you might have bigger problems to contend with.

There are a great number of modern stresses – too many! Stress not only maims, it can destroy. It makes sense that if we’re constantly on the go, we’re going to be run down and tired until it gets to the point where we are thoroughly exhausted. Can you think clearly when you are in an exhaustive state?

Consider the plight of the victims of domestic and family abuse. Wives that are being subjected to daily abuses and humiliations, while their children hide in the corner hoping they are not next in line. Not only do these women have to look out for themselves, but their children also. Often they are threatened by their husbands that if they try to leave, the children will be taken away from her or harmed in some way. Some will say why don’t these women just pick up and go anyway and get herself and those children out of that hazardous situation? It’s not that the thought has never entered her mind, I’m sure. She’s terrified and she’s been made to feel terrified. Bullies seek to make their victims feel so helpful and hopeless that they are too afraid to fight back or unable to. Constant abuse and harassment robs a person of their self-esteem and self-confidence so much that they don’t feel worthy of being treated any better. Some even think that they deserve whatever they get because there must be something wrong with them. They love their children very much, but because of all that negativity and abuse, it’s like they can’t move even though they try very hard to. The reality may be there is no place to go, or no money to go with. The reality is that if a spouse picks up and leaves without the kids, she can be accused of abandoning her kids and that can definitely hurt in a custody battle. The reality is, it’s a cold and hard life out there and if you don’t believe in yourself, really believe in your abilities, you’ll just barely survive.

Some abusers will apologize profusely for their behavior after the fact. They will get all sweet and loving … for a brief time. The abused will try to win back the affections of their mate, thinking that all will be well again. But it hardly ever is.

Now think of those innocent children hiding in the corner. Maybe in the eyes of one of their parents or even both, they are no good and rotten. Maybe as soon as the lights go off at night, their nightmares are just beginning or perhaps they started hours before. Maybe they go out of their way to try to please their parent, thinking that there is something wrong with themselves and that if they would only be better (or prettier, or smarter, or talented), the hitting and name-calling would stop. Think of the heart-breaking cries of agony as a child fights for their right to live without violence in their home. Some of those cries will be snuffed out one day or night without anyone coming to that child’s rescue. Imagine the horror that child must have felt as their life was coming to an end, at the hands of someone who should be kissing and hugging them.

Now think of your children and grandchildren. Your friends’ children? Your neighbors’ children?

Different worlds, yes? Or perhaps not.

Children who are in households where abuse is prevalent suffer. They suffer a lot, and they need not.

Children Learn What They Live (author unknown)

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